87 emotions before it's time for breakfast.
Originally posted on December 18, 2017
I went to this yoga class years ago and the instructor mentioned that she was having the kind of morning where she'd already gone through 8 emotions before breakfast. Have you had one of those days? Because that statement clicked with me, I knew exactly what kind of day she was having. It's not a bad day necessarily, but there is this hyperawareness of self and your place or lack of place in everything. Winter brings this out in me. I think I sit a lot more and when you sit and are still your mind wanders and thinks and sometimes you end up on some dark and twisty trails you can't seem to find your way out of.
This year I started sitting or being less physically active about 4.5 months ago, in August, when our son was born. Seems like it should be a really busy time having a baby. It is, but it's a different kind of busy than I am used to. I was at home way more than I have been in years, and even though I was holding and feeding and changing and rocking this new baby my hands were full, but my body was relatively still and my mind was racing. When you're feeding a baby you spend a lot of time sitting on your ass doing nothing but staring at the baby, the wall, the baby, the other wall, and so on. And so that's when my winter began this year--August 1st.
Something I don't know a lot about but am fascinated by is Ayurveda. I know enough to engage in conversation and to know that I'm a Kapha Dosha (mostly) and that basically everything I regularly do and put in my body for comfort ends up dragging me down and getting me out of balance--I LOVE carbs and sugar and dairy and heavy dense foods. I've gotten way ahead of myself so let me back up. Hi, I'm Lisa and I'm a Kapha dosha...and here's why I am bringing up Ayurveda.
In Ayurveda there is a focus on the seasons. Eating for the seasons is part of it. I'm going to oversimplify the hell out of this so if you're an Ayurvedic practitioner, please excuse this explanation. The earth provides different things throughout the year. As the seasons change, so does the weather and what the earth produces as food sources. Along those same lines, our lives are broken up into the same seasons--childhood being like spring when we are growing and blossoming, as we are older we are in out summer phase (I think hot hormones here), then we move into fall, and finally winter when we return back to the earth from which we came. The day is broken up into the same four seasons, sunrise coinciding with spring and then moving all the way through sunset in the fall and winter at night while we rest. Generally speaking, the 3 seasons of growth are focused upon in Ayurveda so winter is not often mentioned and for that same reason there are 3 Dosha's or mind-body types. I mentioned I was a Kapha Dosha (mostly) and that correlates with Spring. Then there is Pitta (Summer) and Vata (Fall).
Ok, so, I've been in "winter" mode for months. Not a ton of movement, not much growth, just static and contemplative and so many emotions and not enough outlets. I feel heavy, I am congested, I want to nap, I eat ALL the comfort foods, and I am in this wintery, dark, cold, rut. But here's the thing. I know exactly what to do to not feel this way. It's not that hard. I have access to the things I need to feel good. I know the activities and the foods to seek out. I know how to take care of my body to awaken it. All of those things are not anymore difficult than the things I am already doing--just a shift. So why the hell can't I get it together? Why can't I defrost my wintery ass and get some spices in my life and drink my ginger tea and practice daily asanas and get warm? If I had this answer, I would be rich. In money. Right now I am rich in eye bags, bloated stomach, headaches, and disappointment. Filthy rich.
So maybe Ayurveda isn't your thing. But we all know how to feel better. Or at least we know what's not making us feel better. But we hold it tight. Because sometimes even an old crappy sweatshirt brings us comfort of at least being familiar. Even when a new sweatshirt or maybe even a sweater or a crop top is just one click on Amazon prime and about 24-hours from our door-step. Depending on what time of the day it is or what part of the year it is or where you are in your life you might feel more or less motivated to change. What can you do to find balance? I go through each season everyday right now with a wave or a surge or a flutter of emotions. Because I am not where I want to be or where I feel good and my body is forcing all of that up for me to confront and I curl up on the couch with my baby and toast covered in butter and powdered sugar and cinnamon and think and think and think.
I am ready to change. I'm ready.
Curious about Ayurveda and your own mind-body Dosha? Check out some of the links below to get the deets.