I've got rose quartz in my pocket.
When people find out I'm a yogi I sometimes get questions about spirituality practices. For example, have I found self-enlightenment and how high can I levitate? But in all seriousness, people associate yoga with a lot of "mystical" practices. I get asked about chakras, astrology, crystals, essential oils, sage smudging, and the list could go on. To be perfectly honest, I am completely fascinated by all of these things and have had the great fortune of meeting many people who have insight into these topics from my yoga connections. I've been practicing yoga for 6 years, I am a 200-hour RYT (registered yoga teacher), and I have explored so many of these areas on my own over the years, but I have never felt like I can represent any of these things.
I've had conversations more than once with people about feeling fraudulent in different areas of my life. In one of my many lives I was a banker and I remember that even when I would put on my business suit and sit behind the desk and manage the money and talk the talk and shmooze my clients--I kept waiting for someone to call my bluff. "Who are YOU to manage my money?" I've had these same feelings about being a parent, a wife, a professor, and basically just being an adult in general. It turns out that I am not alone in this feeling--lots of people feel like they are fake fill-in-the-blanks. The concept of faking it until you make it certainly applied to my experience as a banker, most definitely to my experience as a parent, and other areas of adulthood.
Fake it until you make it. Interesting. So interesting that this concept was studied and explored by Amy Cuddy in a TedTalk that currently has over 44 million views (holy cow!). Do yourself a favor and watch this talk if you haven't already. We generally agree that our surroundings, people in our lives, and experiences shape who we are. Cuddy explores shaping who you are by manipulating your body language. Does looking like you are confident actually make you feel more confident? (That's the last teaser--just go watch it).
So this brings me back to my rose quartz. I was wandering around a small local shop called Spirit Dreams which is a store focusing on Holistic health, wellness, and spiritual growth. I like to look at the amethyst cathedrals, peruse the books, and read all of the descriptions of the small gem stones and crystals. I have long been fascinated with the idea that a stone can hold healing powers and have wondered for long periods about the vibrations from the earth and it's elements. Can these stones really have the effects they are claimed to have?
I recently had my second child and with a major life event come so many changes. I have not been feeling like myself, and to be quite honest--I've been getting my ass handed to me by this second-time-mother thing. This has led to a lot of questions of self doubt and the slippery slope that follows close behind questioning yourself into a pile of tears and cake crumbs on the floor with mascara running down your face.
While walking around Spirit Dreams I saw the most beautiful large raw pieces of Rose Quartz. I know I've read the cards for all of the quartzes a dozen times, but I was drawn to this different formation of Rose Quartz. The card I picked up read:
"Enhances all forms of love: mother love, caring, kindness, self-love. Soft vibration of forgiveness and compassion for self and others. Balances and cleanses heart chakra with unconditional love."
I thought, sign me up for that! I immediately went in search of a smaller stone to buy--I needed this vibration in my life ASAP. I found a small, polished sphere, about 1-inch in diameter and it was perfect. It was smooth and I liked spinning it around my fingers and in my hand. It also could go in my pocket with me and I needed some portable "self-love and love for others" vibrations with me on the go. I also bought the large raw piece of rose quartz (but it does not fit in my pocket).
I carried the rose quartz sphere for about a week. I wasn't sure how I felt about having it with me. I knew I liked it and I liked to put my hand in my pocket and spin it around. I liked that it got warm in my pocket and in my hand and stayed warm when I walked out into the cold air. But I wasn't sure that I was "allowed" to carry it. Was I spiritual enough to carry a stone for healing purposes or was I just a fraud? A "new-agey, boho wannabe, cusp of millennial generation, stone carrying" faker. Faker. Faker. Faker. There it was. The feeling of being fake again. A total fraud.
Fraud or not, I went back and bought a smaller, natural shaped polished rose quartz. After a week of carrying the sphere around I found that the round shape bulged in pocket in a not so subtle way. So, I switched to an even more portable size of this beautiful stone that I needed in my life. I also picked up a couple others that seemed to be vibrating at a frequency that I was desperately in need of being in tune with.
I set the stones on my desk while I was watching my students give speeches--I am a professor by day. One student walked by and said "Oh wow! Are those your crystals? Do you always carry them?" I paused and then I owned it. "Yes, they are, and yes I do." I have had them in my pocket everyday that I have had them so I was telling the truth and as I said it I also felt it. I do not care if I am a bonafide expert at everything I am interested in. My interest and curiosity makes it authentic--not my overwhelming (or in this case, incredibly underwhelming) expertise.
Am I a rose quartz carrier? Hell yes, I am.
*Originally posted on December 1, 2017